  | | Wednesday, January 14
| | Missing Person | | Would readers in New York get together some sort of posse or something and go find Spalding Gray! He has been missing since Saturday and things don't look good, considering his highly depressed state. He seems to have vanished in Soho, the kind of place people just don't vanish in anymore since it has been turned into a high-end strip mall. Sad news (about Gray, not the strip mall, that's sad in a different way). I've always loved his work, and at one point had his monologues practically memorized I played them so much. Let's keep our fingers crossed, but relatives are fearing he might have jumped from the Staten Island Ferry.
Just when you thought it was safe to touch the door handles. We Asialanders were relieved to hear that this new strain of SARS that infected three people in China is but a shadow in terms of potency from the one that terrorized the region last year and that it may have lost its bite. But then don't cha know, Bird Flu hits the Mekong! It has killed over two million chickens and at least three people in Vietnam, and it's spreading. I don't know, mad cow disease, bird flu, civet cat viruses, I think Mother Nature is finally putting her foot down on the mass consumption of animals. Ask yourself if you have ever heard of killer broccoli? | |
| | Orville gets the credit for turning me on to the power of Wing. Who is Wing? Who is Wing!! Why the Asian singing sensation of Auckland! The details are sketchy, but he seems to have encountered her on a "sabbatical" from music school while staying at a "rest home" in New Zealand. It was the music of Wing who led him through the darkness and gave him the will to live again. My personal favorite is her rendition of "Don't Cry for Me Argentina."
| | Tuesday, January 13
| | Before and After in Hong Kong | |
| | Oh riiiiiight, she's faaaaaat. I get it. See, before she was reduced to wearing lowly cutoffs and now she can wear laytex hot pants! In stark contrast to the notorious "Before" pictures in American ads where the poor, metabolically challenged sufferer is usually morbidly obese and needs to be carted around via crane. | |
| | The House of Mr. Wing. Friends of Bruce's took us out to Mr's Wing's warehouse this weekend, a sprawling property on the outskirts of Zhaongshan, a city in newly civetless Guandong Province. It's a treasure trove of antique relics and furniture that Mr Wing has harvested from all over China. You can get lost in it. But Mr. Wing doesn't mind, he even provides cookies and strawberries for you. We picked up some beautiful pieces and a host of little artifacts, at prices that shame the Chelsea Fleas. He's frequently visited by buyers from New York, I'm thinking it's the people who stock the Eastern objects room at ABC. I am seriously over my mid-century Modern phase. Mark, the Danish chest is yours! | |
| | We also participated in an English Corner while in China. It's a semi-spontaneous happening where native English speakers meet up on a street corner with Chinese who are eager to learn and practice English. There were about 40 people on the corner, not only children, but groups of grown men too, yearning to better themselves. Almost all the kids were wearing the government issue tracksuit. | |
| | Me and some English Corner girls. The one to my immediate left is Rainbow. Some of the Chinese take really funny English names, they just pick them out of the blue. I've met people calling themselves Cat and Baby. My Chinese name is "Pat," since no one can pronounce my real name. Oh, by the way, these little girls are 20 years old! | |
| | And finally...Happy Birthday Rosie! Today is my grandmother's birthday! This is just a picture of a picture I have up on my fridge, but it's how I see her in my mind, fussing over something in the kitchen and telling me not to take her picture. Sniff, sniff, I'm HOMESICK!
| | Monday, January 12
| | Love, Kowloon Style | | You meet her on the metro to Kowloon. She seemed to zone in on you with the full wattage of a headlight. You were caught off guard. You smiled. She wasted little time hustling an old lady out of the seat next you and wedging in her girlish frame. Her name is “”Lan” she says, “for lotus,” but she says you can call her, simply, “Lollipop.” She doesn’t seem to mind your flecking scalp, the stale booze on your breath, the superfluous slab of flesh hanging limply over the waistband of your Hagar comfort khakis, the fact that you are wearing Hagar comfort khakis, the fact that you never had a proper dentist (in the UK). You don’t seem to mind her Hello Kitty booties, or that she asked “Where you work?” and “How much you make?” before she asked your name. Before long, your old life seems like one long bad dream of low level tax adjustments, internet porn and alimony payments. You share your hopes, your fears, your desires, your plans for the future...the immediate future. If only there were somewhere to go? Well, there are places for people like you... | |
| | Conveniently located just off the Mongkok metro stop. | | China continues its rampage through the animal kingdom in the battle against SARS. Having vaporized over 10,000 civet cats in Guangzhou, they are now turning their attention to the "four dangers." What are the four dangers you might ask? Democracy? Free Speech? Taiwan and the Internet? Noooo...rats, roaches, mosquitoes and flies! It’s what they call a "patriotic campaign" and everyone is being encouraged to take part: "Everybody work together. Do more to improve hygiene. Exterminate the four dangers. Lift the level of public health!”
Poisoned apples, watermelon seeds, roast duck and other snacks have been placed in food shops, restaurants and convenience stores to lure rodents to their demise. And Guangzhou officials are also pouring something like 100 tons of rat poison into the sewers. Just a question, what about the children or house pets running around these parts?
But there is a new case of SARS in Guangzhou...it’s only a matter of days before CNN goes hysterical.
The people have a right to know! In another development...What do you do if the newspaper starts reporting about SARS before you do? Well if you’re China, you send in thugs. The top editor of the state-run Southern Metropolis Daily newspaper, along with six reporters were hauled away by police and held for questioning on suspicion of "financial crimes." Journalists say that efforts to curtail aggressive reporting at the paper may be part of a broader national clampdown on the press.
Don’t worry, I ventured out to Southern China this weekend on a very highly successful Chinese furniture acquisition expedition (two words: Mr. Wing), and all was well. Even the taxis were sparkling clean...see... | |
| | Achooooo... just kidding! | Wednesday, January 7
| | Goodbye Jumbo | | It's a slow news day at Asialand, so expect pictures of Sedra. She is feeling much better lately...and doesn't appear to miss her ovaries. Poor BABY! She even took a ride in a taxi. | |
| | Yep, Sedra took a taxi ride up to Victoria Peak this weekend for a good, long walk. The usual form of transport, the Peak Tram, doesn’t take dogs and it’s a mercilessly steep walk, so we caught a cab. She loves the sights and smells of the trail up there, and she didn’t seem to notice that she was scaring the hell out of several Chinese children walking the trail with their parents. “Gao” is the Cantonese word for dog. And we heard it continuously in decibels ranging from: “gao” (as in “oh, a dog”), to “Gao!” (as in “uh oh, a dog”), to “GAO!!!” (as in “Run for your lives!!! A DOG!!!”). You see, the traditional Chinese pet is a bird. China has gone hardcore in the battle against SARS and have begun the process of killing 10,000 civet cats, in the most cruel way possible of course: “We first put them in disinfectant to sterilize them, then electrocute them, then burn them.” It appears a man in China has caught a weakened form of the virus, and has fully recovered. But China is taking no chances. The verdict is still out as to whether civets are the actual source of the virus, according to the World Health Organization. But it does appear a strain of the virus matches one found in the civet cat. I don't know, I think they're kind of cute. Maybe the problem isn't the civet cat. Maybe the problem is the fact that they are trapped in the wild, brought to filthy markets and restaurants in PRC, where they appear in cages, until they are selected for dinner and then served as a "delicacy." Perhaps if we just left the civet cat alone in its habitat, there wouldn't be a problem with jumping viruses! An interesting sidenote: Chanel is said to use the anal secretions (ick) of the civet cat in its signature fragrance, Chanel No. 5. I always thought it smelled like cat piss. | |
| | But on the subject of environmental travesty, did anyone read the New York Times travel section Sunday? There is an amazing article on Madagascar, an island off the coast of Africa that I have always wanted to visit. It's a treasure trove of rare and outlandish species of animal and plant life. Check out the picture of the ring-tailed lemurs--so unbelievable! Of course, the whole place is on the verge of extinction. Here's a conundrum: we pump billions of dollars into museums that house the dead relics of bygone eras, but care little about the wholesale negation of places like Madagascar, an irreplaceable repository of the creative force of life itself. Ok, I’ll shut up! But in that same edition of the travel section, there is an article on Bruce’s former stomping grounds in the South Pacific, Papua New Guinea! It even features snippets of that funny form of pidgin dialect Bruce likes to employ in his daily prayers. Big-pela Papa God. | |
| | Rawhide = Happiness
| Monday, January 5
| | Help this man find shoes! | |
| | Today's Topic: Shoes. Poor Bruce, after searching hi and low in Hong Kong Island, Kowloon and various sundry districts of Asia, he is still unable to find a decent pair of shoes in his size! It appears most shoe stores here stop at size 10 and he's a whopping (by Asia standards) size 12. This photo nicely illustrates his gargantuan proportions. Just look at his tiny seatmate on the subway, who might weigh 75 pounds...wet. Not good news since his loafers are about to take a walk. At this point, all that's separating Bruce from the pavement is a thin wafer of sole cushioning. People send shoes! | |
| | And speaking of shoes...I have my own problems. Though there is no short supply of shoes in my size, there is certainly no supply of shoes designed for Hong Kong's hilly terrain. In fact, every single shoe store in town proffers only some variation of the above (pictured with my Chinese New Year's dragon bobblehead guy). They're fine for a sexy night out on the town. But when it comes to navigating the endlessly uneven sidewalks and surprise steps and gradations, they are dangerous! I've had several near-falls—which I can assure you are much worse than total wipe outs because you end up looking like some third rate gymnast trying to stick her clumsy landing from the balance beam. And Hong Kongers, with their tiny, agile feet, tend to think there is something wrong with you and avert their eyes from your act of shaming yourself. It's really, really pathetic. So send me some Aerosoles or something before I get hurt (or further disgraced) out there.
| Friday, January 2 | | New Year's is so 3 days ago in Asia | |
| | OK so I had a few too many gin and tonics. | |
| | Hong Kongers love any excuse to wear this glitter wig! | |
| | ...3...2...1...Happy New Year!! Now let's go home.
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